big sister

big sister is always in charge, taking care of the little ones
taking care of all people around her
trying to manifest their wishes even before they are spoken
caring nothing for herself

big sister is left in chaos and confusion
when she has no answers, when she has no help to offer
she tries hard to find solutions, ideas, something to do
something that is comforting, healing, changing the state

she has not yet learnt to only be herself
not yet learnt to let go of expectations to outcome
because she wants this special outcome to arrive now
she does not want to stand by the side and see her love struggle

while the storm clutters the garden with the fallen yellow leaves
while the sun shines on birds looking for seeds in the birdfeeder
while the fall is putting everything outside to rest for the winter
big sister tries to calm her inside storm and eagerness,
so she can help others by being

big sister is weaving a rug
turning forgotten fabric
into a whole new design
of what she has become